mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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