Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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