I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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