The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
