mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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