yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
