u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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