She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize