it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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