$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
