Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i now understand why vodka
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
