I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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