I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
