there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My pussy is not your playground.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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