I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
