If i come over, it means nothing
plz talk dirty to me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
