I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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