I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
