Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I would fuck him just for his dog
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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