she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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