It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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