I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
