Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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