Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
