That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
