I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
