The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
