when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
