dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize