Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
