Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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