I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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