The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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