Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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