And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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