Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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