Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
