would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
