I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
