well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
