there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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