:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
