I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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