Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
