she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We got so high we made milksteak
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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