I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
