That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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