Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
