Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have feelings that need drinking.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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