I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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