it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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