I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
