Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
