How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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