One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
