I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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