real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
