could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
