All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
