that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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