sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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