so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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