I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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