Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
