hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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