The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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