My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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