She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
