I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
