I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't deserve a penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
