I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
