You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
