I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
