You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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