Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
