I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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