He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
