i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
