Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
