Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
