Im at strip club and am horny
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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