it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
