Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
