I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
