West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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