i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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