Do you still have your period?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
