It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
