your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
