Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
