Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
