what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
