could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
