mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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