You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
