That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Randomize
