Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
