I understand Curling. That high.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
