you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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